This Thing Is So Gay

Funny and Amusing

2009-02-01T21:45:57Z

bizoneyizo: gotta go soon then (4:33)

Caity5654: before the 19th (4:34)

bizoneyizo: friday the 13th
oh that says 19th hahahahah (4:34)

Caity5654: haha yes (4:34)

bizoneyizo: I was gonna say! (4:35)

Caity5654: haha what? you were gonna say what (4:35)

bizoneyizo ummm...
I was gonna say, gee whiz. That's an interesting coincidence that the day Drew is going away is the same day that countless people have come to understand as one of the most unlucky days, stemming from the number 13, which people have come to appreciate as being an unlucky number due to its historical significance (4:37)

Caity5654: ohh wow. my you are very articulate (4:37)

bizoneyizo: Hahaha. Im gonna copy and paste this conversation into my livejournal with timestamp, so people can see how funny and amusing I can be. (4:39)

Caity5654: haha oh yeah? what a great idea. maybe you can do a survey after. 25 things i already knew about you (4:39)

Richard Kelly is my hero.

2005-06-13T05:14:56Z

Holy Crap, what's it been almost a year since my last post.
Let me use this thing like a contemplative asshole, like it's meant to be used.

I’ve recently become re-obsessed with Donnie Darko, and in reviewing the philosophy of the story; this is a rough suggestion of what I think happened.

The story begins with a sleepwalker on Oct.1, 1988. We follow him into a title card of Oct. 2, 1988. This is the start of a tangential universe, at which time a vortex begins its formation. It will eventually lead to annihilation in accordance to the Philosophy of Time Travel by Roberta Sparrow if it is not closed.

At the same time, be it by divine intervention, a time portal opens up above the Darko residence between Oct. 2, 1988 of the tangential universe and Oct. 30, 1988 of the primary universe. Currently, we are following the tangential universe, where a messenger “Frank,” the 6-foot bunny rabbit, startles Donnie into a hypnotized state. He tells Donnie that the world will end, basically that Donnie is the chosen one and they will work together to save the universe. While Donnie is off talking to Frank, an artifact from the primary universe’s Oct. 30, falls onto Donnie’s bedroom in the tangential universe's Oct. 2. Had Donnie died in this tangential universe, the world would have ended in a few weeks.

Donnie is spared, and it is his job to manipulate the living with Frank’s help to send the artifact back to the primary universe. Eventually succeeding in his duties, during the course of many dark hours, Donnie manages to set everything perfectly in motion to conjure up fourth dimension powers that rip the engine from the tangential universe’s plane into the wormhole in tangential Oct. 30, and thus sending this artifact home to the primary universe, resulting in the time rewind to Oct. 2 in the primary universe. The tangential universe will be closed once the artifact begins its descent onto Donnie's room through the wormhole.

This leaves us in the primary universe with an open wormhole carrying an artifact from tangential Oct. 30, 1988 back to primary Oct. 2, 1988. As we are welcomed back to Oct. 2 by the familiar faces we met in the tangential universe, they individually sit up in horror or with fading memories/dreams of their experiences away from the primary universe in the tangential one. The plane engine from the future crushes Donnie. According to the Philosophy of Time Travel, things happen this way, just as myth tells us of a Medieval Knight impaled with a sword, which he had not yet built, Donnie was killed by a plane engine that belonged to no plane.

Best...Soundtrack...Ever

2004-08-20T03:42:16Z

The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

Make a soundtrack for your life, matching songs with the following:

Opening song: Jerry Reed - Eastbound and Down(Smokey and the Bandit Theme Song)

Waking up: New Order - True Faith

First date: Paula Abdul - Straight Up

First kiss: Beach Boys - Wouldn't It Be Nice

Falling in love: Peter Cetera - Glory of Love

Seeing an old love: Twisted Sister - Burn in Hell

Heartbreak: Air Supply - All Out of Love

Driving fast: Bon Jovi - Livin On A Prayer

Getting ready to go out: Cyndi Lauper - Girls Just Wanna Have Fun

Partying with friends: Avril Lavigne - Sk8er Boi

Dancing at a club: Kevin Little - Turn Me On / J-Kwon - Tipsy

Flirting: The Faint - Worked Up So Sexual

Feeling sexy: Chic - Le Freak

Walking alone in the rain: Toto - Africa

Missing someone: Boyz II Men - End Of The Road

Playing in the ocean: Seal - Kiss From A Rose

Summer vacation: Weezer - Holiday

Fighting with someone: Lionel Richie - Hello

Acting goofy with friends: Miami Sound Machine - Conga

Thinking back: All 4 One - I Swear

Feeling depressed: Bonnie Tyler - A Total Eclipse Of The Heart

Christmas time: Wham! - Last Christmas

Falling asleep: Heart - These Dreams

Closing song: Ice Cube - Today Was A Good Day

Take The Soundtrack to Your Life Survey

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I identify with myself, because I am Jordan, surprisingly

2004-06-12T17:23:11Z

Which My So-Called Life Character Are You? Find out @ She's Crafty

OMFG, dude, you fucking rock. Please, Artie, Please let me suck your cock

2004-06-11T17:13:37Z

I'm posting song lyrics...cause this song is amazing for techno maniacs and very meaningful, to me.

2004-06-05T04:25:16Z

BT - Remember

I know how you feel.
I’m feeling it too.
I hold my heart, I dream of you.
I see your face, I feel it, too.
Searching skies.
I need you.
I miss you.

Take this and hold
My love for you.
In separate times we think as two.
In paradise I’ll drown in you.
Still searching skies.
I need you.
I want you.

I know how you feel.
I’m feeling it to.
I hold my heart, I dream of you.
I see your face, I feel it, too.
Searching skies.
I need you.
I miss you.

Take this and hold
My love for you.
In separate times we think as two.
In paradise I’ll drown in you.
Still searching skies.
I need you.
I want you.

I love you, love you, I love only you...love you.

Remember me near.
There may be times when it’s not right
For me to be there.
But remember me near.
Remember me near.
There may be times when it’s not right
For me to be there.
But remember me near.

Searching for strength.
Can I face this day.
Blinded by your love we stay.
You’re always there,
You’re in my head
Still chasing skies.
I need you.
Oh, I miss you.

Just love you, only you, only you...

I love you, I love you, I love only you...love you.

Remember me near.
There may be times when it’s not right
For me to be there.
But remember me near.
Remember me near.
There may be times when it’s not right
For me to be there.
But remember me near.

Scared and Nervous

2004-06-02T17:49:04Z

It's going to be great someday when I can post a quote from 'When One Eight Becomes Two Zeros': - "I'm so shocked that I've made it through these billion days. I made it through these billion days!
I didn't think I could tough it out all those days. I didnt think i could tough it out...a billion."

Through and through, I am absolutely immersed in thought.

2004-06-01T10:08:54Z

The term "sleep on it" usually connotes the actual act of sleeping. Not in my case.

Eleven

2004-05-31T04:23:31Z

Transient: “I’m not feeling fit today, stranger.”
Stranger: “What is the cause for your sorrow, rambler?”
Transient: “What, you ask?”
Stranger: “Certainly, kind drifter.”
Transient: “The King is not allowing age-ed vagabonds to compete in the archery contest, in which the victor may claim the fair-maiden’s hand in marriage.”
Stranger: “Forsooth, that is a dishonor.”
Transient: “Ay.”

Baz Luhrmann had the tenacity to change the sentiment of “Romeo + Juliet,” so the chronology of the next few days will be revised, even before it has been written. Instead of the pre-arranged timeline—one that has been carefully crafted by another—of misery and bleakness, I am redrafting a saga of hopefulness and clarity.

I am spinning a romance where Leonardo and Claire live and love happily ever after.

“I'll move to heal as soon as pain allows so we can reunite and both move on together.”

It will rain again tomorrow.

2004-05-28T05:47:13Z

I'm going through the motions of life right now, but I feel nothing.

I won't feel anything until it's okay.

Watch as I pretend that sleeping is a feasible option of escape.

My only solace is that we're in this together.

Train of Thought (Consequences), There ain't no turning back.

2004-05-27T05:14:41Z

1. I wish I had the option of knowing certain things before they could ever happen. I’m really fucking uneasy. Hence the following statement: The weather was sad again tonight, and it drizzled a little bit because I’m feeling very confused and nervous. Knowing basically anything right now would be easier than thinking the absolute worst. I guess this is just another example of how I control the universe and everything is a figment of my imagination. “Don’t worry” are the worst words…ever.

2. I’m high on MSG, and my head hurts pretty badly. Holy shit. “Want my buffet? You fucking gay.” That song is great.

3. My friends are all litterbugs. We couldn’t walk 10 feet to throw trash away.

4. Hackers is a hilarious movie. I wish my handle were Crash Override. I’d be l33t HaX0r.

5. I’m never drinking energy drinks again. That’s a lie. I’m a rockstar.

6. Avril’s new joint is fucking tight. #2 is the best -- “together” is awesome.

7. I should have bought L’Auberge Espagnole at Newbury in Boston, but I didn’t. I wasn’t thinking logically. I was thinking, “It’s going to rain. I know it.”

8. On top of my clouded perspective, Funky Town has been running in my head all freakin night. Thanks.
Carl: “Which one of you has been playing...[ Won’t you take me to Funky Town?] for a freakin week?!"
Frylock: That was Meatwad.
Carl: Well, at this point, it doesn't even matter, because it keeps runnin through my brain, and it won't go away unless I blow it out... with a bullet!"

"...and the singing sounds good. So we started a group, and here we are, kickin' it just for you."

2004-05-16T23:58:35Z

Iesha, Iesha so glad to meet ya
See you in the school yard strollin' wit your teacha
The lil skirt you played was really fly
She turned around and she winked her eye, so I
Stepped to her like I knew her the Biv is cool but Romell is cooler
The bell rang cause I started to talk yet the class is not there no more

(Yo Red, where'd you meet her?)

At the playground, ya know
That's where I saw this cutie
This girl was swingin' and she looked so fly
On the monkey bars, we climbed up to the top and
She touched my hand that's when I fell in love

Iesha...
You are the girl that I never had
And I want to get to know you better
Iesha...
You know I want you so bad
And there's nothing anyone can do
To keep me away from you

Yo Dallas man these five young boys out of Atlanta GA are a real adventure
They kinda like remind me of me and my boys New Edition, know what I'm sayin
So all you people out there ridin’ in your cars listenin’ to the radio station
Or coolin' back in the living room watchin’ this here video, hey yo peep the 2nd verse

We played Nintendo
This was her very first date
I didn't wanna make it seem to fly
We ate cereal
She couldn't stay out that late
Her mother told her to be home at nine

Iesha...
You are the girl that I never had
And I want to get to know you better
Iesha...
You know I want you so bad
And there's nothing anyone can do
To keep me away from you

(Yo Ro you might sound to sure so wutcha gonna do?)
(I dunno Da, I only got one more rap and I'm gonna see what happens)

Threw down my books went up to the door
Pressed the bell…What was in store?
Iesha came out with a smile (oh no)
She ain’t worth the while
So I passed her a lolli pop and a letter
Told her so let's keep this a secret
Now remember Iesha, only u can keep this, peace!

Wet Hot American Summer

2004-05-11T00:50:43Z

Alan Sheperd: "Thank you very much. Hello Camp Firewood, hello. Thank you for having me. You know I went to sleepaway camp so long ago that it was the Stone Age. No, but seriously, it wasn't the Stone Age, it was the Ice Age. No, really it was the Stone Age. But folks actually I went to Camp Makluden in the Pine Hills of Westchester New York, and that was so long ago that for breakfast we had to eat scrambled pterodactyl eggs and raptor bacon. Back then we didn't have cots we had slabs. Instead of sleeping bags we had pelts. When I was at camp, my favorite activity was arts and crafts. Or as we used to call it, arts and farts and crafts. We used to make drawings: cave drawings...which is my way of saying that we were cavemen. I went to camp so long ago that I can remember saying sticks and stones may break my bones and meaning it. I went to camp so long ago that fucking Jesus Christ was my counselor and my best friend had polyeboslia. His name was Ug...and he walked on all fours. There were two epidemics when I went to camp: head lice and the Plague, the Bubonic Plague!"

I know some more quotes will be posted from this movie, right? I expect responses on this one, bitches!

What am I gonna do to get my shorty back? O-o-0-O0o

2004-05-05T18:00:26Z

And I don't know what I'm gonna do without my Boo00OO!!

OMFG joo r Foo1z!

2004-05-04T01:51:07Z

Dude! Holy shit. Finally, Tickle Me Emo is out.
If you thought Tickle Me Elmo was big. Check him out!

Tickle Me Emo

M-E-T-H-O-D man

2004-05-04T01:16:59Z

My goddamn rock solid ghetto shiznit name is Ass Machine Juice.
What's yours?
Powered by Rum and Monkey.

Pay Close Attention

2004-04-29T23:45:43Z

I go to Salem State, therefore I am.

I want a rusty axe, a fat bitch named bridget, and a little sip of faygo.

2004-04-28T18:24:48Z

1: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4. Write down what it says:
Wigfield: "My fingers are bloody, my eyes half-mast. So instead of me rattling on, I've decided to let the town residents tell their story in their own words."

2: Stretch your left arm out as far as you can. What do you touch first?
DVD Remote

3: What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Currently watching Beyonce shake her big booty in a gigantic soapy champagne glass. Mmmmm

4: WITHOUT LOOKING, guess what time it is:
12:45

5: Now look at the clock; what is the actual time?
2:00

6: With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Fergy being all like, "La La La La La"

7: When did you last step outside? What were you doing?
I was checking what the hell this dude in a truck was doing outside my neighbors house, because there has been some robberies on the street next to mine. So, I was letting him know I was gonna have to peel caps on him if he tries to pull something stupid like take my shit.

8: Before you came to this website, what did you look at?
My Bank Account Balance

9: What are you wearing?
t-shirt and jeans

10: Did you dream last night?
O man, I was waiting to say this... I dreamt I shot Eminem in the forehead. It was hilarious, because he died...when I shot him.

11: When did you last laugh?
You serious, I just...When I was thinking about my dream two seconds ago. Besides that, when I saw the Rooney video on Mtv. O yea! and this dude in Yellowcard plays a fiddle. Hahaha...

12: What is on the walls of the room you are in?
Bubble Mirrors, A picture of a lonely tree, A photo of a deserted highway, A coat hanger, A clock, and a picture of this dude getting blown backwards by a speaker. Soon, I will have my humongous Chasing Amy poster with huge Joey Lauren Adams face that I can look at and cry.

13: Seen anything weird lately?
A black chick get a pap-smear on Mtv. That station is pretty out of hand this afternoon.

14: What do you think of this quiz?
A lot better than others I have taken.

15: What is the last film you saw?
Waterworld

16: If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy first?
A Delorean

17: Tell me something about you that I don't know:
I'm going to buy Avril's new joint, because I think she is one god damn, amazingly hot-ass chick!

You'll Niggas Gon Make Me Unleash The Dragon. I Know You Don't Really Wanna...

2004-04-23T16:51:34Z

I'm going to put on my Dru Hill CD and drive my car into someone's living room.

Theme Sleep Agua a.k.a. I’m waterlogged

2004-03-27T17:56:00Z

I’m at a house trying to find my drums with Backman, but I can’t get to them. Instead, I enter a room where Chris is throwing chex mix into a dirty fish tank that explodes into four huge geysers as a result to “digest” the “fish food.” This scares the fish away into a vortex around the four geysers that are now filling the room with water. Now we are under water in this room, but we could move just as if we the eruption never happened, besides the fish swimming around us. My party has now changed. I am with Dave and Maureen.

After, we were under water with the fish and the new accumulation of three sharks. The sharks were chasing each other, until the hammerhead spotted Maureen. Maureen realized she was a target and looked at the shark, which said, “shit!” It swam away really fast. Maureen started carrying a baseball bat for protection, which she used to threaten hitting me on the head with if I didn’t pour her a cup of cranberry juice. So, I took the bat away and put her into a taz-mission headlock. She submitted. Of course. Walking away, Dave and Ashley were talking in another room now, and as soon as I entered they stopped talking. So, my dream knowledge leads me to believe that they were “together.”

Next, I’m at a football game with Dustin. It seems that Ian and Gary are on the football team and freezing their asses off. Dustin and I know this because, we ourselves are equally cold and we have jackets on. They are sent to the locker room to get warm in the shower room. The locker room is soaked with water from the showers and subsequently looks like a homoerotic slip and slide fiesta. It’s a really good thing that I only saw ass, or else I’d be pretty pissed that I was conjuring up a bunch of jock’s cocks. But, the real reason I’m here is actually to save Ian, who passed out in the shower because he was so cold. So, I point the showerhead with warm water onto his motionless, football- uniformed duded up body and he woke up.

Lastly, I’m at a water park, which I sneak into to ride a slide. The slide ends, but I’m still tearin’ ass across the swimming pool that you should end up submerged in when the slide is over, but I for some reason don’t. This pool goes on forever, and I’m hover crafting over the first inch of water at an insane velocity. Then I stop, which is very anticlimactic.

I didn’t even get to find out what schema wetness was playing in my dream. Maybe I’ll find out later, like tonight.
If anyone else had a water-soluble dream, please let me know.

I would like the following things:

2004-03-25T00:42:20Z

What do you want????

"That bug is fucking huge, it's like a dog." "It's a Rin Tin Tinsect."

2004-03-19T02:41:00Z

I had a nightmare last night, while I was away on vacation. I think it’s a sign from my subconscious (id), or something that I…

A) Was anxious about finding a retardedly-humongous insect in my bed that was going to eat me if I hadn’t squashed its exoskeleton.
B) Am completely materialistic and it is I who is the one that is retarded.

In dream world, I for some reason was terribly worried about missing History class. I hadn’t shown up to it for the whole semester, and I didn’t write my term paper. I was back in Melrose High too, but that’s on an equally bizarre note, because I’m not even taking History.

I skip out on my class and make it down the hallway, which was the hallway from “Club Dread,” towards the end of the movie when they’re all scared and sneaking down a hallway because they can’t find Lars (Farva). Hallway.

After making it to the parking lot, I find that I am in my room and my car is now parked here. Right where I left it? My stereo is gone! People are looting my room.
All my possessions.
All the nooks and crannies.

Here’s the clincher…

I look around, and everything is going missing. Quick “goat thinking,” I look to my DVDs. They are all gone. To make a short story long, I woke up covered in sweat. Once I realized where the hell I was, I cracked a major, shit-eating grin.

Now I’m thinking, stealing my DVDs could be considered identity theft, in the sense that by getting your hands on them you would have access to my net-worth.
I’m thinking about buying a pit bull or midget night watchman

Chee Chee Chee...Ah Ah Ah...

2004-02-05T01:54:13Z

Teh Boredz0rz

2004-02-01T19:43:29Z

1. [spell out your name with band names]

M-Mindless Self Indulgence
A-Avril Lavigne
T-Tool
T-Tears for Fears
H-HER
E-Eminem...fuck.
W-Weezer

2) Have you ever had a song written about you? Negative
3) What song makes you cry? Air Supply - All out of Love
4) What song makes you happy? Chicago - Hard to say I'm sorry
5) What do you like to listen to before bed? tv

a p p e a r a n c e

HEIGHT: 6'2"
WEIGHT: -50 oz.
HAIR COLOR: Brown with some sweet ass blonde highlights
SKIN COLOR: White
EYE COLOR: Greenish.
PIERCINGS: 4, because 4 of them closed.
TATTOOS: I want one, don't know where? or what?

r i g h t n o w

WHAT COLOR PANTS ARE YOU WEARING?: plaid pajamas
WHAT SONG ARE YOU LISTENING TO?: New Order - True Faith
WHAT TASTE IS IN YOUR MOUTH?: Polar Seltzer with Cranberry Lime
WHAT'S THE WEATHER LIKE?: Not too bad, little bit chilly.
HOW ARE YOU?: Tired

d o y o u

GET MOTION SICKNESS?: Only on that shitty ass boat back from the Bahamas.
HAVE A BAD HABIT?: Not anymore
GET ALONG WITH YOUR PARENTS?: Sure
LIKE TO DRIVE?: Im Down.

f a v o r i t e s

TV SHOW: Alias
CONDITIONER: Whatever...homo
BOOK: Choke
MAGAZINE: Don't read them
NON-ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Vanilla Coke
ALCOHOLIC DRINK: Whiskey, biatch.
THING TO DO ON THE WEEKEND: Work, unfortunately. Movies.

h a v e y o u

BROKEN THE LAW: Yes
RAN AWAY FROM HOME: Ran, I ran so far away!
SNUCK OUT OF THE HOUSE: <-- Haha, 8 year olds.
EVER GONE SKINNY DIPPING: Yes
MADE A PRANK PHONE CALL: Of course.
EVER TIPPED OVER A PORTA POTTY: Good idea, thanks.
USED YOUR PARENTS' CREDIT CARD BEFORE: With permission
SKIPPED SCHOOL BEFORE: Yes
FELL ASLEEP IN THE SHOWER/BATH: Nah
BEEN IN A SCHOOL PLAY: In a play, yes. For school, no.
LET A FRIEND CRY ON YOUR SHOULDER: Yes

l o v e

BOYFRIEND: I wish it was that easy. All my friends are pickle lickers.
GIRLFRIEND: I wish.
SEXUALITY: Straight.
CHILDREN: Yea, someday.
CURRENT CRUSH: Audrey Tautou
BEEN IN LOVE?: Yes
HAD A HARD TIME GETTING OVER SOMEONE: Yes
BEEN HURT?: Self Inflicted
YOUR GREATEST REGRET: Why oh why didn't I take the blue pill.
GONE OUT WITH A SOMEONE YOU ONLY KNEW FOR THREE DAYS: No

r a n d o m

DO YOU HAVE A JOB: Unfortunately
YOUR CD PLAYER HAS IN IT RIGHT NOW: Queen
IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE?: Burnt Sienna
WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY?: Life.
WHO MAKES YOU THE HAPPIEST?: Me.
WHAT'S THE NEXT CD YOU'RE GONNA GET?: Head Automatica?
WHAT DO YOU LIKE TO DO?: Movies, Movies, and umm... go to the movies.

w h e n / w h a t w a s t h e l a s t

TIME YOU CRIED?: Matrix Revolutions.
YOU GOT A REAL LETTER?: Months ago from Borkan in Japan
THING YOU PURCHASED: Mars Attacks and The Nightmare Before Christmas
TV PROGRAM YOU WATCHED: Smallville. God dammit, that show sucks now.
MOVIE YOU SAW AT THE THEATER: Big Fish

y o u r t h o u g h t s o n

ABORTION: Negative
TEENAGE SMOKING: Go for it. They ain't nothing but coffin nails.
SPICE GIRLS: Bend It Like Beckham's wife is HOT! I saw one of them naked in Playboy too. Nice boobies.
DREAMS: I wish I could remember all of them or really live them, because even if it sucks and you're gonna die, you don't.

boneyo @ 2004-01-09T02:14:00

2004-01-09T07:12:05Z

You are Michael Bolton.

You're kind of geeky and you share the same name
with a no-talent ass clown. I'm sorry.

Which Office Space Character Are You?
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